eldritch, broke and wicked
"The Very Intrepid," Peter Levine

"The very worst thing I saw, I saw at a pool, now six years ago. Not in the pool, but rather after swimming a mile in the indoor pool at the gym to which I then belonged—a suburb just outside Washington. It was evening, but still light—the light came in from the tall windows above. I was forty-three-years-old. I was an extremely wealthy man."

So good. So sinister. Flawless precision of voice and detail. A fury of eloquence near the end.

“And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”

 —Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (i am revisiting my personal Pantheon)

An old farmer and his wife are lying in bed. He leans over one night, touches her breast, and says, “If this thing could still give milk, we could get rid of the cow.” She reaches over and grabs his member. “And if this thing could still get hard,” she says, “we could get rid of the dog.”

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/women/funny-joke-from-a-beautiful-woman/hot-actress-photo-gallery-070909#ixzz0TtLsdPL0

 —it figures that kristin chenoweth’s joke would actually be funny

damn right your dad drank it. i want to be that vintage floozy in the b&w polka dot dress

damn right your dad drank it. i want to be that vintage floozy in the b&w polka dot dress